We all have obligations—work, family, responsibilities that are necessary and meaningful. But what about the ones we take on without thinking? The ones that drain our time and energy, not because they’re important, but because we tell ourselves “we have to”?
As Seneca wisely put it, “No slavery is more disgraceful than one which is self-imposed.”
From attending unnecessary meetings to chasing superficial success, we often become trapped in commitments that don’t align with our true priorities.
It’s time to step back and ask:
What are you spending your energy on?
Which self-imposed obligations could you let go off?
The Trap of Self-Imposed Obligations
I have to … I ought to … I must … Only I can …
Many of us unknowingly live by invisible contracts—expectations and obligations we never consciously agreed to but feel compelled to uphold. Consider these common examples:
- Saying yes to every request to avoid disappointing others.
- Overcommitting to work out of fear of seeming unambitious.
- Attending social events you don’t enjoy because “it’s what people do.”
Howard Schultz, former CEO of Starbucks, once said, “Success is not an entitlement. You have to earn it.” But what happens when we chase success on someone else’s terms? We exhaust ourselves in the pursuit of things that don’t truly fulfill us.
My Personal Story
There were two major moments in my career when I truly felt overwhelmed. The first was during a big brand campaign launch. I was leading it all, from media planning and creative development to copywriting and ad banners, with almost no support. There were partner agencies, but the bulk of the work rested on me. I didn’t realise how much I had taken on until I found myself working late into the night—approving, reviewing, creating, and feeling like everything was on my shoulders. At the time, I thought, “This has to be perfect,” but the perfectionism that drove me only made it more exhausting.
Looking back, I realize that I should have asked for help—hiring an intern or delegating parts of the project would have made the process smoother and probably led to better results. By trying to control every detail, I drained myself, and that perfectionist mindset kept me from seeing the bigger picture.
The second time was in another organization, where I was juggling multiple projects, but the team wasn’t stepping up. Instead of prioritising, I tried to manage everything myself. The stress piled up, and I became more and more frustrated. Again, it was my perfectionism and fear of letting go that led to burnout. I didn’t trust the team enough to handle the projects or make mistakes, which is crucial for growth. In hindsight, I should have been clearer about priorities, delegated effectively, and trusted my team to take ownership.
In both situations, my need for control and fear of imperfection kept me from defining success in a healthier way. Success wasn’t about doing it all myself or achieving perfection—it was about progress, trusting others, and creating a balance that worked for me. Moving forward, I’ve learned to redefine success by trusting others, setting boundaries, and letting go of the need for control.
The biggest lesson here: You don’t have to do everything yourself to achieve great results. Letting go of the need for control and allowing others to contribute can lead to better outcomes and a lot less stress. In the future, I’m focusing on delegating, trusting, and accepting that perfection is not the goal—progress is.
3 Steps to Reclaim Your Freedom
1. Take an Inventory of Your Commitments
Before you can break free, you need to identify what’s holding you back. Take a hard look at your daily and weekly obligations. Ask yourself:
- Is this necessary? If you stopped doing it, what would happen?
- Who am I doing this for? Yourself or someone else?
- Does this align with my values? Or is it driven by guilt, fear, or social pressure?
Pro tip: Keep a “stop doing” list alongside your to-do list. Eliminate tasks that don’t serve your bigger goals.
2. Learn the Power of Saying No
Saying no is a skill that protects your time and mental energy. The next time someone asks for your time, pause before responding. If it doesn’t align with your priorities, politely decline. Here’s a simple script:
👉 “I appreciate the opportunity, but I’m focused on other commitments right now.”
Setting boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s necessary for personal and professional growth.
“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.” — Warren Buffett
3. Redefine Success on Your Own Terms
Success isn’t about keeping busy—it’s about making an impact where it truly matters. Instead of measuring success by external validation, define it by your own values.
Ask yourself:
✔️ What kind of work gives me the most fulfillment?
✔️ How do I want to spend my time outside of work?
✔️ What legacy do I want to leave?
Make sure your definition of success is written by you, not dictated by unnecessary obligations or someone else.
“We are our choices. Build yourself a great story.” — Jeff Bezos
Breaking free from self-imposed obligations isn’t about being reckless—it’s about being intentional. When you eliminate what doesn’t matter, you create space for what truly does.
Take control of your time. Set your own priorities.
And most importantly, give yourself permission to say no.
Ready to take control of your time and priorities? Let’s chat.